Week 3 - Different presentations

Sensory needs

⦁    Many young people love to hug – this fulfills a sensory need
⦁    Or they might dislike being touched as this is considered an invasion of personal space and it may even physically hurt them
⦁    The young person may be very sensitive to sensations – light, sounds, tastes, touch (fabrics, labels) smells – 
⦁    They may find a perfume or deodorant overpowering

Watch this video, can you make it to the end?

Thinking about how you felt when you watched that video, how do you now feel your child experiences the world, all the time, every day? Consider the energy needed to manage that, how tired it makes them, and how it can push a child into overwhelmed – meltdown/shutdown. Whilst sensory needs are seen to be predominantly linked to ASD, it can also be a by-product of ADHD, when a young person needs to continually sensory-seek to ground themselves.

Masking and meltdowns

⦁ Young neurodivergent people often can ‘mask’ their differences and anxieties.
⦁ Masking is more common in girls, however many boys also mask to try and fit in with their peer group. 
⦁ Young people feel most safe at home with their parents. Therefore it makes sense that they feel more able to release their anxieties at home in their ‘safe’ space.
⦁ Parents often describe their child as a “shaken up coke bottle” when they return home from school. Once the lid is undone the anxiety spills out!

Everyone masks to a degree, in that people want to put their best selves forward in public, and then let it all go when they get home. However, masking becomes an issue when a young person has to hold themselves together to such an extent that they are unable to focus on their learning, and then either explode (meltdown) or implode (shutdown) when they get home.

Tantrum or meltdown?

Many people can think that tantrums and meltdowns are the same thing and that only kids have them. These behaviors can look similar when they’re happening. But a meltdown is very different from a tantrum. And some people have outbursts even as teens or adults.

A tantrum is behavioural – driven by a want or a need – this needs behavioural strategies. A meltdown is due to emotional overwhelm – this needs connection, empathy, and redirection.

Window of tolerance

So what happens to our bodies when we are anxious?

Why do we need to respond to a meltdown with compassion?

If we ignore big feelings or refuse to engage, it can have the effect that they’re bouncing back to the child or young person, so they get bigger and bigger. The message the child or young person receives, is ‘Your big feelings are too big and scary for me to handle’.
If we recognise what we are seeing, and validate the big feelings, it has the same impact as a problem-shared is a problem halved. The child or young person feels seen, heard, and supported, and the big feelings reduce more quickly.

How can parents self-regulate to be able to respond with compassion? What ways do you self-regulate?

Strategies to support your young person

• Try not to ask about your child's school day. School is school and home is home. By bringing school into their safe space can add to their already heightened anxiety. By using the I statement (e.g. ‘I’m looking forward to hearing about your day when you’re ready if you want to’) 
  Rather than bombard your child with questions, try: ‘What have you got to tell me about today?’ It might be nothing and that’s fine.
• Allowing your child to have downtime on their own when they come home from school will help them to process the day. This could include screen time, sensory activities, such as exercise, bouncing, weight-bearing etc, or being able to focus on their special interest – this may help to regulate anxiety.
• It’s important to have good communication with school. Discuss your concerns with the school SENCO – involve key staff members. 
• Your child’s behaviours may not present in school. However, there are lots of strategies that the school can use to reduce anxiety, which we have sent you. 
• It can sometimes be helpful for children who mask to have sensory breaks throughout their school day, so they aren’t so overwhelmed when they come home.

This is a helpful tool that is commonly used both in school and at home, to embed different ways to communicate feelings.
 

The trouble with girls (And boys)!

ND traits may become more noticeable after puberty because of:
⦁ Socialising- Peer pressure and feeling that you have to ‘fit in’
⦁ Recognising difference-Young person may start to recognise that they are different when they go through puberty
⦁ Environment- Transition to secondary school which is bigger, noisier, and overwhelming
⦁ Executive Function- More pressure on the young person as they move to secondary school to be independent

Female presentation of ND

Women and girls tend to be better at masking or camouflaging their difficulties. This occupies an enormous amount of energy and focus, making it harder to concentrate on schoolwork, and often leading to behavioural difficulties at the end of the day (i.e. shaken coke bottle). Girls tend to be good at watching and copying how other people behave. (But often their response is delayed so they can get it wrong). Girls are more concerned with how others perceive them (which can lead to heightened anxiety and confusion; e.g. they may hate the feel of the clothes they are ‘supposed’ to wear).

Inclusion and acceptance

If peers are not accepting or understanding the young person with ND, they could experience the following:

So that the possibility of poor mental health is reduced it is important for the young person with ND to:

• Have a good balance of fitting in and being themselves
• To be able to spend time with people who accept them (finding their tribe). 
• It is important to recognise that just having one person can be enough. This is important, however can come with its own difficulties, especially if that one friend is unavailable. It is important to have a back up plan.

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